You can have your role defined, but not your identity. This is your job, no one will sketch it out for you…. When I say that, people often ask about the difference. Especially in the German business context, we speak a lot about roles, and little about identity. The word IDENTITY seems too big, it is hard to get around it, to grasp it and make it meaningful in everyday life. But at the same time, is it indispensable – people I talk to and coach speak about the gap between the inside and the outside, about “missing” themselves, about lack of meaning and sense. At the end of the day, they speak about identity which is either not defined yet or cannot be lived, and it is not a theoretical discussion, but an urgent existential need. What can we do?

One step at a time. One method at a time. I give you one in my blog, as an example, there are many others – bear in mind that it is often not about the “right“ method you choose from a given set, but about the right step at a right time for the person you are trying to help, also if this person is you and you apply the methods on yourself.

You can focus the steps underneath on a specific subject – for example, if you want to define your professional identity or manager identity, you can do the same but adjust the content to the specific themes. At the beginning, however, I suggest you just follow the steps without predefined focus.

1. 1. Observe what kind of texts you are naturally drawn to (and try to differentiate it from following the algorithmic suggestions of your linked-in news feed, for example, it is not easy in the social media floods we are exposed to but it can be done…:)
   2. Mark the sentences which resonate with you – resonates means the ones where you think „I would have written exactly the same thing if I could“ or „the person who has written it knows my thought and feelings“ or „I feel caught red-handed – how could he/she have knows this is what I think?!“ 
   3. If you are not a reading type, do the same thing when watching a film or a Netflix series – which scenes move you, but you do not exactly know why? (it is not a direct recollection from the past, for example). Pay attention especially to those scenes which leave others blank and indifferent, but mean something to you (you do not need to know what exactly, yet, observe your reactions, in mind, body and soul and note it down)
   4. After some time of doing it, you will probably notice some leit-motives arising from the notes and scenes – it is a little like a detective work in an action movie, fascinating, but scary at the same time – because you are the subject of it, have courage to go on…
   5. And now you turn to the „what is behind it?“, to the „why?“ – this is not easy to do alone, but you do not always need a coach to do that, sometime a person of trust and healthy outside perspective can pose the right kind of questions and help you structure the notes, decipher the meanings and reasons behind your notes and build a bridge to the identity question
   6. Do not expect a revelation – sometimes it comes, often it is rather a step by step journay of self-discovery and self-understanding, which is a milestone in the development process of each and every one of us.